How to Manage Emotions: Lessons on Dictatorship

I have always been fascinated about knowing famous people who share the same birthday with me. I was thrilled –  and worried – to find out that I share the same birthday with North Korea’s current leader. For those who may not know who he is, Kim Jong-Un, is the proclaimed Supreme Leader of North Korea. He has been classified as an authoritarian dictator ¹. Not only do Kim Jong-Un and I share the same birthday, but we are dictators in our own right. He dictates over a nation, while I allow my emotions to dictate to me. A dictator is someone who holds absolute power that is usually taken by force. Yes, North Korea has some form of elections. But it’s the type where Kim Jong-Un wins 100% of the votes… In our case, the failure of managing emotions grants our emotions the right to dictate to us.

The Dangers of the Heart Leading

I always find it funny how there is endless literature on learning to control your emotions. However, in the same light there is an equal amount of support for people to follow their hearts. Unfortunately, that is a worldly belief. In the Bible, we are told that our hearts are deceitful, desperately wicked and not understandable (Jeremiah 17:9). Therefore, relying on it for everyday living will be erroneous. It is such a description that makes me believe that our emotions, which are supposedly birthed from our hearts, are dictators. Hence the term I have coined as ‘emotional dictatorship’.

This term rang true in my ears from an instance, more like an argument, that ensued between my boyfriend and I. An incident occurred that created a moment of insecurity in me, and ultimately triggered fear. This wasn’t the first time that I had been insecure, and at this point, I knew my insecurities stemmed from past experiences and the examples of men I had seen in my life. However, I allowed that insecurity, which birthed fear, to influence how I was seeing the situation and him. My emotions told me to question his integrity, though there was no evidence to lead to that conclusion and never had there been evidence in the past.

Nonetheless, my emotions spewed words that were not loving, denied my ears to listen to his point of view, and shut my eyes to the person I claimed I love. At that moment, I ignored the truth of love; love is patient, love does not insist on its own way, love believes all things and does not rejoice at wrongdoings (1 Cor 13:4 – 7). The truth was that I had nothing to fear. The lie my emotions declared was that my past experiences and others’ behaviors warranted this present incident as the truth.

Another example of my emotions dictating to me, is when I delayed to write my first blog post, I Started a Christian Blog in the Midst of Fear.

Lessons from the Bible

If we look at a biblical example where ‘emotional dictatorship’ ruled, we need not look further than Genesis. God told Abraham in chapter fifteen that he would be the father of many nations and that his heir shall come from his own body. Seeing that Sarah and Abraham were the married couple, this meant that the promise would come through them. In the following chapter we see that Sarah was frustrated and decided to use her maidservant, Hagar, to obtain children.

I can’t imagine the anguish and desperation that Sarah and Abraham must have been feeling, for her to suggest that, and for her husband to agree. In the name of feelings, they both rejected the truth that God had promised Abraham. As a result, there was a strained relationship between Sarah and Hagar, and for a second Sarah was angry with Abraham! Woman, YOU told him to have fun and now you’re blaming him?!

Both examples I have listed above, show that emotions – or the lack of managing emotions – can tamper with promises and instructions from God. They can also bring strain to God-given relationships. The major problem with allowing emotions to rule it is that they counter God’s truth. In my example I wasn’t allowing love to direct my actions – which is a truth that God expects us to live by. Abraham and Sarah denied the truth of God’s promises, and conceived a lie.

How To Counter Your Emotions

For the longest time, I didn’t realize that managing my emotions was a battle. I think denying this journey as a battle makes it harder to overcome, because you may be quick to classify it as ‘one of those things’. It’s not! You can’t leave it to chance to go away. Your flesh, which naturally loves strife, anarchy and confusion, would cling on and ignore the whispers of the Spirit. There are real consequences when you continually let your emotions dictate to you. 

Like every battle, it is not easy. But like my God, He promises victory.

Here are a few steps I take in the process of managing emotions to stop emotional dictatorship: 

1. Admit to yourself that you’re feeling a particular emotion because God wants us to be honest with Him (Psalm 51:17).
2. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you be obedient to truth and to cast down the thought (2 Corinthians 10:5).
3. Take a step back and breathe to recuperate yourself. No, seriously breathe. If you’re like me you may notice your body reacting nervously. Examples include shallow breaths, shaky hands and a faster heart beat.
4. If these emotions are towards someone that you share some relation with, talking through what you’re feeling with the person can help. However, be discerning as to whether or not you should.

The journey to emotional stability will not be an easy one; nothing worthwhile ever is. The control over emotions is a battle that must also be fought with diligence, intentionality, accountability and prayer. We have a Commander who desires nothing more than for us to be in control and thankfully, we have access to this grace. You may not have the strength, but trust me when I say God is ready to help the weak, and it is only a matter of surrendering your emotions to Him with Hands Lifted High.