This year feels different – I am not sure how to explain it. I have felt this with certain years, and I strongly believe that this is one of them. I believe the lesson from the last few months of 2023, is vital for the prosperity of this new year the prosperity of your new year.
You won’t believe the number of times I have rewritten this particular post in my head. This specific one has been oddly difficult to write. Maybe it’s because I’m posting after months of giving myself so many excuses. Maybe it’s because it’s something more personal; but I have been compelled to share so here I am, sharing. Here goes nothing…
Fear
Fear is truly a bastard. Lately, I have been combating the fear of not following God’s plan for me. While fear may be an illegitimate response, the source of it is rooted in years of experiences. For me, I have taken the reins of my life for so long that even when I know I have let go, I still think that I am holding on.
Not everyone will experience this. I think. I hope.
Sometimes I make an unnecessary fuss about following God’s desire for me. I say unnecessary, because the desire to follow God’s plan in and of itself is never a bad thing. Rather, it’s the expression of a submitted will that wants to make room for God to reign as Lord. However, when the desire to follow God becomes clouded with fear, doubt and excessive worrying that is a problem. God has not given us a spirit of fear. Moreover, God speaks to us through conviction, not through fear.
More Fear
This specific instance of fear that I was experiencing was reignited by the reminder of bad relationship choices I had made, and so I thought I was wrong yet again. I have also internalized many negative relationship stories and believed they would be my experience as well. As a result of this, I projected this fear onto my current relationship. This wouldn’t be the first time; but it would be the hardest, leading to a breaking point.
Explaining the whole story would make this very long. But to sum it up, God was showing all the reasons why the fear I was experiencing was allowing different circumstances to feed into what my mind had conjured. Fear also calls things into being as though they are.
I knew this fear had to be addressed, aggressively.
One thing about God though – one of the many – He doesn’t leave you to wallow in your sorrows, fears or sin. Fear is a vice – a sin. And like all other vices in our lives, they have to make room for more of God. A lot of the vices that are made glaringly apparent, especially at ‘inconvenient times’, are meant to be transformed into a godly trait. God reveals to redeem. So when all this bout of fear showed up, I knew He was trying to speak to this fear I have held onto for most of my life.
This Has Stayed Too Long
I came across a journal entry from three years ago, where I was talking about this fear. I don’t think I randomly stumbled on it; it was divinely orchestrated. In the entry, I took a pointless walk. I have a bad sense of bearings, so even though I had walked that path a few times, I still couldn’t easily figure out where I was. However, this time round all I did was to walk. I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t trying to figure where I was or how I was going to get back – I just walked. Eventually, I got back home. What I heard the Holy Spirit tell me then was, no matter where I go, I will always end up where I am meant to. Why? Because I am not alone.
I know we constantly hear that the Lord is always with us. And at times, it can sound trivial. But God is with us! Always. For the people who have felt like they have messed up their life, or the outcome of it, because of certain decisions from the past, know that God will always lead you as long as you’re seeking Him. This is a truth we have to continually remind ourselves and declare over ourselves.
The triggering moments of last year exposed parts of me that I hadn’t fully let go off. I could either wallow in these fears, or go back to God to grow from this by fellowshipping with Him more and praying. Almost all of our solutions will be found by drinking deeply from the fountain of God. If you listen to anyone give advice about this Christian journey, it will boil down to knowing God more and surrounding yourself with more of Him. We’re doomed if we think anything else will suffice.
What Has to Go?
All of life’s painful experiences are meant to grow you into who God has called you to be. Some lessons will be longer than others. You may be too stubborn and refuse to change, or it’s a lesson that is just too difficult . Thank God for His patience, because where would we be if He doesn’t have the time to urge us on to perfection and holiness. What has to go in your life to give room to more of God?
If you didn’t read anything that I said properly, the message is quite simple. Know God more. This allows you to trust Him and when you do, you fear less. This year God is calling us to go even deeper into Him. To press into His holiness, righteousness and faithfulness. This is what will keep you afloat and allow your year to truly be different. I pray that in this year you will testify of your growth in Christ, with Hands Lifted High.
I feel this was meant for me.
I’m really glad you connected with this! I pray that what you learned will carry you throughout the year.